This is a beginning. A connection. This is a place to come and open up those doors that we hold closed all too often. My life is a journey of addiction, of self-harm, of doubt and disgust. It is a road paved with hate, depression, labels and loss. But is is also, as I’m finding, a bypath of recovery, hope, survival and strength. Being Bipolar, having schizophrenia, coming from a broken home, going through addiction, losing a child, having an affair, trying to end it all; these things can simultaneously be your truth and never appear in your “about me” section. Yet that’s exactly what my blog is going to do. Because if those things, or any other label happens to befall your inner “about me” section, I want you to know that You. Are. Not. Alone.
Following my journey means seeing parts of my soul that might make you uncomfortable. Truthfully, many of these posts are going to be uncomfortable for me to put out here to begin with. But if I don’t show my soul, how can I tell people to open up and show theirs? To be proud of their scars. To truly know that they aren’t alone. The highs and the lows that make up the reality of their lives are a reflection of my own, and my ups and downs are a reflection of theirs, of perhaps yours too.
Whether you used to cut yourself, or you still do. if you have, had, or are contemplating having an eating disorder, a drug or alcohol (or in my case both) addiction, or an extra-marital affair; if your in the midst of, preparing for or rebuilding after a divorce; if you just lost, might lose, have to lose, have to give up or can’t have a baby; if you have kids, want kids or are a kid and the weight of parenthood, or the weight of your parents is crushing you (even a little bit); all of those things are, and will forever be, normal, be ok, be safe to endure in the open instead of in the deepest reaches of your soul.
The more we bottle things in, the more we hide or true colors, the harder it is to live our lives. we deserve awesomeness. Each and every one of us deserves to life the most amazing life, and the shackles of our inner demons prevent us from being free to live it. We all know that when you read someone’s Facebook page, you’re only seeing part of the story; my wife calls it their rainbows, butterflies and unicorns. What you don’t see is that the persons life isn’t perfect. Things happen that they’d never dream of broadcasting to everyone they know. So we bottle it up and we become ashamed.
This project is not anti-rainbows. What it is, however, is the honest truth. it is my commitment to showing my soul, my truth to you, and hoping that you’ll trust me enough to begin believing that your truth is not a cross to carry, but another thing making you absolutely, imperfectly awesome.
If you need me, for literally anything at all, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a soothing voice, a positive light, or a holding hand for when you can’t go it alone, you know where to find me. Sitting right here, explore more every day, the process of Becoming Adam Sculnick.